What I’ve Learned From Attending Every Single Met Gala After-Party

At my first Met Gala after-party, I drank whatever a waiter handed me—and a lot of it. When my alarm went off the next morning, I woke up with a raging hangover and a Gordian knot of anxiety thanks to the 100 unread emails in my inbox.

In New York City, you can divide people into two groups: The W-2s and the What-Do-You-Dos. If you are in the former camp like me—someone with a desk job, a boss, and knowledge of the various functions of Microsoft Office—you have to figure out how to balance the fun stuff with your financial reality. Or else you are one stop away from teetering into a trainwreck. (If you are the latter, ignore this and party like Uptown Girls’s Molly Gunn—before the whole embezzlement thing—for me.)

Nowadays, I keep track of how many drinks I have in my iPhone Notes app. Maturity, I guess?

Celebrities Are Not Just Like You

Last year, before the Met Gala, I got a “facial” from a celebrity facialist. “Facial” is in quotes here because whatever they did to my face was, well, not a regular facial: I was massaged, exfoliated, lasered, moisturized, micro-currented, and a bunch of other things I don’t really understand, even though it was explained in detail. Two hours later, she handed me a mirror. The reflection wasn’t me, but somehow was.

I didn’t pay for this facial. I couldn’t pay for this facial. Although her prices aren’t listed on her website, similar treatments can run up to $1,800 a session. It was comped—the insider term for “complimentary”—and I was far from the only comp of the day. A major fashion house with a table at the Met Gala had booked her for several of their guests: they too, were getting poked and prodded to perfection. Without the price tag.

It’s not just facials. Nail, hair, makeup—everything, really: the cost of these services is way beyond what a “normal” person can pay for. A high-end makeup artist usually costs over $1,000. As does hair. Many others have their dedicated glam squads on retainer… or the brands they have deals with do. And even if you do have the budget, you can’t necessarily access the same level of services they can. The facialist I went to? You can’t book her online. Instead, she handpicks her clients. Last time I checked, she’s not accepting anyone new.