Why Dating Is Complicated As An African Eldest Daughter

These unspoken (and often spoken) pressures to uphold both familial and societal standards tend to start in childhood and continue well into adulthood. And, these cultural nuances and common personality traits can invariably affect how African first-born daughters show up in their romantic relationships. Victoria is 27, a writer, founder, and Kenyan immigrant in the UK, tells R29 that navigating dating has been tricky. “I think as I was made to prioritize my education, dating was often put on the back burner and not as much of a priority,” she shares. “I believe this was beneficial in one way and in another way detrimental. It’s beneficial as I never felt pressure to date or marry at a young age. Being in my mid-20s I’m happy, as I don’t think I knew myself well enough to marry and settle young. However, I do wish I had tips [on how to] date at a young age to know how to handle advances from men.” Similarly, Titilope believes being a first-born daughter has influenced how she shows up in relationships. “People have made comments about me being bossy, dictating or controlling. Unfortunately, I think it’s a misunderstanding. I just want to see things done right and I speak up when it seems like it’s not.”